Former Retail Worker Exposed to Whole New Level of Time Wasting in Office Job

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Man and women wearing office attire seated at a conference table for a meeting. They are balancing pencils on their faces.

CHICAGO – Two weeks into his sweet new gig as a marketing assistant at a cool new startup, Joe found himself completely blown away with the next level inefficiencies that were legit built into his daily routine.

At his last job working at a big box sporting goods store, Joe had made an art form of evading actual work. From lingering on smoke breaks, to taking way too much time taking out the garbage, he’d done it all. His specialty was conveniently “forgetting” to punch in when returning from his lunch break. He always prided himself on getting no more than a solid 6 hours of labor out of an 8-hour shift.

While he was prepared for things like work-from-home opportunities, flexible hours, and beer keg Fridays, the scale of mandated time wasting is something Joe is still finding a bit difficult to cope with.

“I mean meetings,” Joe whispered in awe struck tones. “We’re just sitting there talking and not accomplishing a damn thing, and I’m looking around half expecting my old manager Burns to start screaming at me for being lazy and useless and putting me on register duty for five hours straight.”

Joe also marveled at how working at a computer granted everyone a shimmering aura of productivity on the outside while allowing for aimless screwing around on social media and writing personal emails.

Joe reserved his highest praise for the lack of a time clock. “I mean, it’s like how we were meant to be in nature, know what I’m saying? There’s freedom of movement and time has no meaning. Not really. It’s time, man. You can’t control time. Time just is.” With that, Joe wandered off to grab some cupcakes from the office kitchen.