Fashion Police Step up Patrols on Post Labor Day Crackdown

Stylish people and people who are not stylish standing around a fashion police cruiser

JERSEY CITY – Labor Day marks the end of the summer season, the beginning of Fall, and a new wave of fashion enforcement for one city plagued by fashion crime. The Fashion Police, a division of Jersey City’s finest, have stepped up their efforts to ticket or arrest unfashionable offenders.

Fashion Precinct Captain Peter Malloy said white pants and Hawaiian shirts are obvious ones, but people still do it. “Unless you’re in food service or on shore leave, white pants are a big no-no. We give some leeway, but a week after Labor Day if you’re still trotting around in legs of white, you’re coming downtown.”

Fashion police patrol officer Jenna Marquez said today’s fashion felons are more bold. “I saw this lady strutting down the street in a strapless maxi dress, like she was on a Carnival Cruise,” Marquez said. “When I approached her and noticed it was linen too, I said, ‘no, uh-uh, honey, you’re coming with me.”

Marquez said she’s careful not to target people wearing ethnic or religious garb, but for the general public she’s committed to a tough approach. “Like I saw this woman coming out of a convenience store wearing floral short shorts, as if she was on the shore in July. When I confronted her about it, she said she was from Marco Island Florida. Therefore I considered her a foreign tourist, and let her off with a warning.”

Marquez said some perpetrators are not cooperative, like one lady she encountered wearing a big floppy straw hat. Marquez had to confiscate the hat, and told the lady she could claim it from the police station, but not until April.