PITTSBURGH – Pearlman Capital junior associate Jake Codsworth has been absolutely crushing it recently, and the company’s upper management has begun to take notice. Meeting his goals in a timely and productive manner, the young go-getter has been able to continuously hit his deadlines after only two pushbacks – a miracle in the corporate world.
“I haven’t seen this kind of work ethic since the days of Sid Sakowski. He once handed in the Q3 numbers on the same day they were actually due,” said Pearlman CEO Rufus Marshall. “That’s his statue over there.”
Jake’s colleagues have also taken notice of his extraordinary success, and it’s turned the office into a madhouse for competition. Ill-fated attempts to keep up with Jake’s productivity have led to shoddy work, irritable workers and several nervous breakdowns. To stem the madness, the company scheduled a meeting at 9, which was pushed back til 10, and started at 1:30, to cover the importance of meeting your goals and setting realistic deadlines.