Dragon Disappointed Starbucks Frappuccino Tastes Nothing Like Actual Unicorns

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Airborn dragon descending upon a large cup of Starbucks Frappucinno

THE ENCHANTED FOREST, AVEANOR- This week marks the opening of the first Starbucks in the fairy kingdom of Aveanor, and feeling are mixed among the locals. Elves, Orcs and innkeepers were skeptical at first, but most have embraced the fare and ambiance of the new franchise. “It’s nice to have a place to drink and listen to jazz standards without a grizzled swordfight breaking out,” said Grewyn, the village blacksmith, “and sometimes a chocolate croissant is nice. I tire of meat pies and roast pig.”

One vocal critic of realm’s flagship Starbucks is the dread, fire-breathing dragon Oogorim. When he’s not terrorizing villagers, maidens and sheep, or napping atop his fine silver treasures, Oogorim reviews restaurants on Yelp. “My beef is with the Unicorn Frappuccino,” the dread Oogorim said to reporters immediately before devouring them. “It has nice berry notes, a good amount of mango, but none of the addictive healing magic that comes from the blood of unicorns, and I find that offensive. Don’t come to my realm and mock my local cuisine you conglomerate hacks.” In response, the Aveanor Starbucks has placed an iron complaint box near the cream and sugar dispensers, to show the local creatures their input matters.