EASTON – The Crayola Corporation has the blues after their new crayon drew colorful criticism. “Crystal Blue Meth,” has hit grade schools hard, especially in rural areas, and it’s quickly being confiscated by teachers and school officials.
“We’re already in a Crystal Blue Meth crayon epidemic,” said Art teacher Jon Drozalot. “Kids are addicted to this destructive new blue, just look!” Drozalot leafed through a Lion King coloring book colored entirely in Crystal Blue Meth.
Bryan Crayonston, a spokesperson for Crayola, explained the origin. “Our Crystal Blue Meth came from an online contest, so it was brought to us by the people. Essentially, we didn’t make it, we’re only the dealers.”
This statement has not satisfied schoolteachers and parents, who have seen side effects such as hideous blue teeth from kids chomping down on the waxy sticks. They’re warning of the dangers, and say the crayons can be a gateway art supply to markers.
Crayon security has cracked down, making random checks at some schools. “I’ve seen kids as young as seven with it,” said a security officer. “One kid tried to smuggle in ten Crystal Blue Meth crayons in an empty juice box container. He claimed he needed them for a Smurf mural.”
The schoolyard is monitored, but not the corner on the next block, where single Crystal Blue Meth crayons have a street value of a dollar each.
“My supplies are running short,” said a 10-year-old dealer who goes by the name Binney. “Kids are offering to trade other colors. They’re forging school supply lists. They’re doing anything to get their hands on some Blue.”
The shortage has a created a black market, where kids are rolling their own crayons made with blue wax, but the purity level is highly questionable. Everyone wants the Crayola, or “Cray” as it’s called.
Crayola has put on hold the release of other crayon colors they had planned, including Green No. 420 and Black Tar Heroin.