Couples Opposed to Divorce Okay With Marriage Expiration Dates

bride and groom sitting down next to each other. Groom is signing guest book

CHICAGO – In a surprising development, longtime couples have enthusiastically supported the city’s new marriage regulations. Under the new rules, marriage licenses have become renewable credentials with expiration dates. Aside from the usual gripes about city money grabs the local married population has approved of love with limitations.

“Look,” local man John said, “I hate the idea of divorce, but expiration dates are good for putting things in perspective. I’ve been married for 8 years … 8 long years. Now, if we have to stop in and renew our marriage, maybe that opens up our options a bit. It’s like when the star player is about to become a free agent, and there’s a bit of a negotiation. I want to be with my wife, but I understand it’s a business too. Nothing personal.”

Most of the new policy’s supporters agreed with that sentiment, stating that things are different these days what with YOLO and FOMO and the endless options for better life choices, at least according to certain Instagram feeds. People also admitted that people just live too damn long, and they get bored.

“I think it’s a wonderful idea,” yoga instructor Sarah said as she finished her last class of the day. “I mean I took up yoga and veganism a couple years back. My husband never outgrew his Wing Stop addiction and pretty much lives on the couch. I’m not saying I’m totally bailing on his ass once our license expires, but I’m not not saying it either.”