Colonel Sanders Accused of Finger Licking in Latest Sexual Harassment Suit


LOUISVILLE – Following a slew of recent allegations, representatives at KFC are investigating the new sexual harassment claims against company figurehead Harland “Colonel” Sanders.  Several women are suggesting that the Colonel acted in a lewd and disturbing manor when he was seen provocatively licking his fingers clean of all eleven herbs and spices.

This isn’t the first time we’ve heard customers cry fowl of the Colonels behavior. Sanders has somewhat of a reputation around the franchise. Earlier this year the fried chicken company was forced to settle out of court with a customer who overheard the Colonel discussing breasts to a fellow employee; reportedly describing them as both plump and juicy.

Now, after the most recent finger lickin’ accusations, questions are being raised as to whether the Colonel’s old school ways are appropriate for the 21st century workplace. KFC’s cooperate office has already released a statement stating that they stand behind Sanders. Others within the organization however would say that these chickens are coming home to roost.

“The man is animal” said one former employee. “No woman could feel comfortable working here. You’d come in to work and all you’d hear him talk about is legs and thighs.”

If these allegations are true we may see the Colonel stripped of his rank and discharged from the franchise. The rumors are particularly discouraging considering the Colonel’s long standing marriage to his wife Claudia. While Sanders himself claims their marriage to be the perfect combo, employees may tell you he frequently has one or two biddies on the side.