College Grads Look Forward to Making Economic Impact With Loads of Student Debt

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BOSTON – This year, new college graduates are heading into the world ready to make a big splash with craploads of student debt.

Engineering graduate Sung Kin Deap said he wants to make a contribution to aeroscience, but believes his greatest contribution will be to sky-high loans. “When I start my first job I might add to the corporation’s bottom line,” Deap said, “but that will be nothing compared to the ludicrous loans that will take decades to pay off.”

Business major Reily Skrewd agrees. “Only about half of Gen-X’ers graduated with debt, and it was a measly $10,000,” Skrewd said. “We Millennials have kicked it up to $35,000 in average debt. We tripled our debt power!”

Financial forecasters predict those with certain degrees, like Art History and Music Appreciation, may have even stronger debt that lasts their entire lifetime. “They may never be able to pay off their loans,” said financial analyst Sorren N. Flayshun. “That kind of impressive student debt can make a proud, lasting impact on our country’s economic future.”