Co-worker not Giving up Rubber Band off Precious Ball Without Damn Good Reason

Man sitting back in office chair with legs crossed

NEW YORK – “What exactly are your intentions here?” Jed Danko asked pointedly with a raised voice and distrustful tone. His sharp eyes, glaring out like a laser behind his furrowed brow, penetrated straight into the heart of Billy Thornhill, the new office temp standing awkwardly by Jed’s desk. Naïve and not quick on the uptake, Billy walked straight into a trap when he asked Jed for one of his rubber bands off the massive ball sitting on Jed’s desk like a rubber trophy.

“Oh, well, you know, I just…just…,” replied Billy sheepishly, wilting under the pressure of Jed’s unblinking stare?

“Just what?” blurted out Jed standing up from his desk with a finger pointed. “Because I need a damn good reason before I give you a rubber band off this beautiful ball, which has taken me eight months to assemble. Eight months. So what, are you giving memos to the president or something? Need one more band to keep a bomb from exploding? What is it?…SPIT IT OUT!”

“I just needed something to bind the office mail together!” replied Billy in a rush. “It’s kind of a lot of mail, and will be passed along to multiple people, so…I just…”

“Binding office mail together?” asked Jed, dumfounded and seething with anger. “Are you messing with me here? Don’t mess with me, kid. Do you…do you understand the time and effort it took collecting, and saving, and scraping together all the rubber bands that I could find? The hours I put in meticulously crafting my seminal desk masterpiece for everyone who walks through that door to marvel at? And now you just want that all to go to shit, for what? So your precious little bundle of office mail doesn’t get all jumbled together? You think destroying my life’s work is the only way to keep yourself and your work organized? I tell you buddy, you’re living in a fantasy world. I feel sorry for you. You’re nothing, and will always remain nothing while I’m working here.”

After the intense tirade, Jed tuned back to his desk, promptly sat down, and started typing his expense report furiously. Billy, not quite taking the hint, stuck around for clarification. “So…then I take it that the answer is um…is uh…”

“NO!” screamed Jed, sending Billy scurrying quickly out of the office and down the hall.