EXTREME ELEMENTARY SCHOOL – Little Billy Breakneck won over the entire playground this past week when he became the first third grader to ever complete a full 360 spin on a swing-set. Billy successfully completed the trick during his school’s annual underground XYZ Games. The feat took place well into the afternoon after the teachers had already called the students in from recess. Billy stayed behind, asking his friends to give him, “Just one more try. I just need one more try.”
While his friends distracted the teacher, Billy used his aerodynamic frame and surprising powerful calf strength to gather speed and momentum. When Billy finally made a loop around the swing set, his class erupted in cheers from the classroom window. This prompted the teacher, Mrs. Killjoy, to glance outside. She watched on in horror as Billy’s tiny child frame circled around the swing set over and over again at the back of the playground.
By this point Billy had already achieved school-wide fame and legendary status, but his biggest obstacle was still to come. “Yeah, I didn’t really have a good plan as to how to stop,” Billy admitted later. “Once you’re in a loop like that, it’s not like you can just use your feet to stop the momentum. I tried jumping off, but I got disoriented, and jumped face first into the ground.” Despite cracking his vertebra in four places and being grounded for eight weeks after getting out of the hospital, Billy remained unrepentant. “That’s the price you pay for glory.”