OMAHA- For the third time today, amidst heavy traffic at the Grove Fresh Super Mercado on Taylor street, a cantaloupe with considerable bruising was rejected by another shopper. The fruit, who has taken great pains to hide its rotten portion, has been passed over for fresher cantaloupes since arriving at the market.
The bruised cantaloupe took the rejection in stride and was quick to bolster its self-confidence for another long day in the display case. “Just gotta trust my instincts,” the bruised cantaloupe mused, “there are plenty of carts in the store, and sometimes a cart and I are not meant to be. Compatibility is not a science.”
The bruised cantaloupe is one of many fruits beyond their peak ripeness, still looking for companionship in the bustling world of supermarket produce. Prospects are rough for the single cantaloupe, who has considered giving up membership in shopping apps such as Blendr and OKFrupid. “Most of the other melons I know are in committed relationships, and they tell me that you can’t plan for brunch,” the cantaloupe said, “brunch just happens.”
Many shoppers admit to swiping right as soon as they feel the melon’s huge rotten spot, and it can understand their trepidation. “It’s a risk when they can’t see my ripeness on the inside. I’m tired of getting tapped day in, day out, but I’ll keep putting myself out there, because I believe in true brunch.”
The cantaloupe describes itself as fun, carefree and a big fan of history and windsurfing. It enjoys being served with a balanced breakfast but is always open to other meal pairings. The melon is less interested in casual encounters and is instead looking for a long-term partnership with marriage and a family. For obvious reasons, eloping is out of the question.