Bill Clinton on Alicia Machado Weight Gain: I’m not Picky

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Close up of Bill Clinton resting his face in one hand

NEW YORK – Former President and Saxophonist Bill Clinton is in hot water again over his recent comments about former Miss Universe winner Alicia Machado. When asked about Donald Trump’s allegations that Alicia Machado gained too much weight after being crowned the winner of the famous beauty pageant, Mr. Clinton replied, “Aw hell, I’m not picky.”

Before campaign staff was able to stop him, Slick Willie continued his comments. “Look, I disagree with Donald; what’s wrong with being a little curvaceous? Love handles just give you a little something extra to hold onto. I tell you, all the time back in Arkansas I used to buy a big bag of potato chips to share with my sweetheart. Now I did that just to make sure that she, whoever she was at the time, knew how to eat like my momma had taught me.”

Just as Mr. Clinton grew more comfortable and started to laugh and cut-up, an ominous door creaked opened behind the former president revealing his wife and candidate Hillary Clinton. With a scorned look, Mrs. Clinton silently beckoned her husband with her finger.

Bill, with red cheeks and wide eyes, hastily finished the interview, “Woah nelly, I better be getting on. I’m gonna get in trouble again with the Mrs.” Before disappearing behind campaign headquarter doors, Bill grabbed a handful of trail mix from the candy bowl, licked his lips and said, “Nice chattin’ with you, Cutie Pie.”