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Bezos Obsessively Tracking His Package
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Midwest Resumes Doorstep Package Theft Today
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Kavanaugh Eager to Start First Case
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FEMA Diverts Funds to Prepare for Flood of Trump Tweets
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Frontier Airlines Will Soon Be Charging for Overstuffed Jean Pockets
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Biden Denies Violating Foreign Hairspace
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Kavanaugh Eager to Start First Case
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Kavanaugh Denies Forcing Himself on Unwilling Nation
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FEMA Diverts Funds to Prepare for Flood of Trump Tweets
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Sessions Demands ICE Separate Conjoined Twins at Mexican Border
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Bezos Obsessively Tracking His Package
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Frontier Airlines Will Soon Be Charging for Overstuffed Jean Pockets
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Ambien Issues Statement to Call Police if Racist Effects Last More…
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Uber Steps up Safety by Requiring Drivers to Have Valid Driver’s…
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Starbucks Announces Inaugural Black Coffee Month in May
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Trump Unveils His Perfect Bracket After First Two Rounds of Tournament
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Report: Astros Fans Offered Deshaun Watson’s ACL as Sacrifice to the…
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Kyrie Irving Traded to the North Koreans for Dennis Rodman
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Tiger Woods Still Four Major Arrests Behind OJ
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Derrick Rose Installs Lavish Walk-In Medicine Cabinet
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Anonymous Source Starts Series of Allegations Against Tom Hanks
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Eight Penguins Expected to Testify at Morgan Freeman’s Trial
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Stormy Daniels to Play Herself in “Make America Cum Again”
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Oprah to Promote No Wrinkle in Time Face Cream
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Nations’ White Nerds Nervously Administer Fist Bumps & “What Up Dawgs?”…
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Midwest Resumes Doorstep Package Theft Today
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Going to Plumbing School Now Cheaper Than Calling a Plumber
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Newest American Girl ‘Tammy-Lynn’ Struggles With Drug Abuse, Failing Test Scores…
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Deteriorating Health Due to Eating Pizza Now Known as the Domino’s Effect
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Man Trying to Explain Bitcoin to Friend Just Making It up…
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Millions Flock to Social Media to Demand Boycott of Social Media
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Study Finds Medicine is the Best Medicine
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America Now Divided Into Two Social Classes: Prime and Non-Prime
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Internet Explorer Icon Just Hoping to Be Accidentally Opened Today
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Scientists Find Trump More Damaging to Retina Than Staring at the…
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Posts by Eliakus Matsakius
Eliakus Matsakius
23 POSTS
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Sessions Demands ICE Separate Conjoined Twins at Mexican Border
June 18, 2018
Starbucks Announces Inaugural Black Coffee Month in May
April 26, 2018
NRA Announces No Return Policy on Congressional Purchases
April 6, 2018
Mueller Probe Finds Obstruction, Enema Recommended
February 16, 2018
Melania’s New White House Kitchen Has Better Cabinet Picks Than Donald’s
February 8, 2018
Colonel Sanders Accused of Finger Licking in Latest Sexual Harassment Suit
January 2, 2018
Trump Sues SNL for Share of Profits From Increased Ratings
November 9, 2017
Nasdaq Relocates to Denver in Attempt to Reach All Time High
September 29, 2017
Nigerian Prince Arrested at Payday Loan Sting
September 19, 2017
M&M’s Now Melt in Your Hands as Global Warming Accelerates
August 14, 2017
Vegetarian Gas Emissions Now Exceed Those From Cows
July 18, 2017
Statue of Liberty Hitches Ride on Ocean Freighter to Nova Scotia
July 10, 2017
Study Finds Ambien Not as Effective as CNN for Seniors
June 30, 2017
Natural History Museum’s Cafe Goes Paleo
June 30, 2017
White House Closed for Renovation to Fix Leaks
June 19, 2017
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