Archaeologist Finds Hamilton, Jefferson, and Washington all Face Down in Graves

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ARLINGTON NATIONAL CEMETERY — Dr. Michael Saxon of George Washington University and his team of graduate students discovered three of our nations early architects rolled over in their graves. Upon making the discovery, Dr. Saxon immediately ordered the testing of bacteria found growing on the backsides of America’s best statesmen. The dating process proved that the founding fathers decided to go face down right around the beginning of 2016. There was also bacterial evidence on the hips of America’s Founders. The bacteria found there suggested that the remains shifted a bit in the years 2000 and 2004.

When this reporter asked Dr. Saxon just what this meant, he said “We’re baffled as to what may have caused this coincidence and determined to find out why.” Then again, this reporter noticed that Dr. Saxon’s barn door was open throughout the interview.​