More Americans Claiming Smartphones as Dependents IRS Reports


WASHINGTON DC – Citing a litany of arguments in support of their actions thousands of Americans have elected to declare their smartphones as dependents on their 2016 taxes. The reasons justifying such a controversial move range from the purely practical, to sociological and even wacky, Burning Man style techno futurism.

“I mean smartphones are cute and all, but they nag you all the time, take all your money and won’t give you a moment’s peace,” local man Keith Moreno said. “You might as well get a little tax credit. At least enough to cover the cost of an upgrade. I mean, I’ve had that phone number forever and I’m sure as hell seeing more benefit from that than my social security number, that’s for sure.”

Gerald Baines, a leader of the mobile guardian movement who happened to be loitering outside of science fiction convention Awesome Con had another perspective.

“Face it man, the singularity is coming. When it happens I really think those hyper-intelligent super machines are going to be much nicer to those of us who took them in and raised them as our own when they weren’t quite optimized enough to be independent. Who’s your robo-daddy? I’m your robo-daddy, that’s who.”

The IRS had no official response other than to say they were monitoring the issue. In the meantime, there has been a noticeable spike in dark web social security number sales according to those tasked with tracking such things.