MESQUITE, NV—Sifting through the zany contents of his trunk in a state of panic, 7-year-old Boy Scout, Jonathan Evans, quickly came to the realization that he had inadvertently grabbed prop comic Carrot Top’s luggage while leaving Las Vegas’ McCarran International Airport earlier this morning.
“A pair of jeans with a cup holder on the crotch, a blow-up doll with Caitlin Jenner’s face on it, steroid-dispensable baseball helmet? Aw man, this has Carrot Top written all over it,” Evans deduced, noting that he would have paid closer attention to which trunk he was grabbing had he not been in such a rush to catch his bus.
According to sources, this isn’t the first time Evans was the subject of a luggage snafu as last summer he reportedly left a PGA Junior Golf Camp with Tiger Woods’ BDSM equipment bag.
“Well this is going to be a long summer,” Evans continued as he examined a pair of women’s underwear with chattering teeth glued to the crotch. “I know Boy Scouts are resourceful and all, but how am I going to survive for two months with this crap? I mean, sure, this baseball bat with a crotch-scratching hand attached to the bottom is practical, but the rest—like this tampon shooting purse—is just garbage. I need my clothes and sleep apnea mask.”
At press time, sources at the Luxor Hotel in Las Vegas reported that an enraged Carrot Top was demanding to know who stole his steroid-dispensing baseball helmet.