Sharks Glued to TV during “People Week”

Diver swimming within arms length of a shark

KEY LARGO – Get ready for seaside, two-legged terror: it’s “People Week!” The weeklong marathon of horrible humans began today on the Fishcovery Channel, capturing viewership across the sea. The popularity of the show has become an oceanic phenomenon, and the channel’s programming director, Ben Dorsal, still finds it hard to fathom. “This surprise hit really caught us off guard,” said Dorsal. “But we sharks have long been fascinated by yet terrified of humans. Our shows give everyone a front row swim.”

Some, like the Jabberjaw family, host People Week viewing parties. “I hate to put it like this,” said Mr. Jabberjaw, “but this show has our whole family hooked! Those scuba divers in their scary masks are quite a fright.”

“Even the kids enjoy it,” said Mrs. Jabberjaw, “and it’s usually hard for them to sit still for anything. Actually, it’s hard for any of us to sit still – we’re sharks, we need to keep moving!”

Local teacher Fanny Finney has found People Week to be quite informative. “It’s educational for both sharks and fish,” she said, “and I think it should be watched in schools.”

Last year a couple of the shows were criticized for being too sensational. People attacks on beaches portrayed vicious hunters with crossbows, and poor baby sharks being grabbed from the water by terrorizing tourists.

This year promises to focus more on environmentalism. Even though humans are not on the endangered species list, their erratic behavior will be highlighted, as they get stuck in their own underwater cages, and fall off water skis.

People Week will certainly be a ratings monster. It was even referenced on a couple popular sitcoms, including “Everybody Loves The Taste Of Raymond.” Now People Week may go from the screen to the stage in a live musical version. A play is in the works that will feature sharks dressed as people, while terrorizing sharks with their songs. It might become the new splash hit of the season.